Wednesday, October 21, 2015

10 Weird Biblical Stories

The Bible is full of many fascinating tales – many good, and some bizarre – here are the top 10 bizarre tales from the Bible.

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10. Teasing a bald person is not a joke:

Scripture text: 2 Kings 2:23-24

Let’s take a look. Elisha was setting out from Jericho to Bethel when some young men left the town and scoffed at him and tease him with names like "bald head." Their joke suggested a pernicious aim, particularly when the way of life of the time demanded indicating appreciation to their elders. Elisha gets distraught and curses them in the name of the Lord, and in a split second two female bears rise up out of a nearby wood and maul every one of the 42 young men to death.

The lesson of this story? Try not to ridicule bald people.

9. God is not fond of 'selfie'

Scripture text: Exodus 33:23

It's a major day for Moses. Finally, he will finally see his creator up close and personal. His excitement was meant disappointment when ultimately God backs out at the last minute asserting that no man can see his face and live. Then again, he has an answer. He will let Moses have a look at his rear, "And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: however my face should not be seen." Moses must be crushed. He was wanting to see God's face not his base!

The lesson of this story? God works in mysterious ways.

8. Jesus cursed the Fig tree

Scripture text: (Matthew 21:18-22; Mark 11:20-26)

So, Jesus is walking from Bethany and he’s feeling a bit hungry. Seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, Jesus came, if perhaps he might find anything thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for it was not the season of figs. Annoyed, He said to it, "No longer shall there ever be any fruit from you." And at once the fig tree withered. Jesus curses the fig tree to death. Why did He do it? Well, the action was symbolic.The point is that the leaves on the tree advertised that there were figs there as well, but it was a false advertisement. Jesus used this to teach a memorable lesson: the tree was cursed not just because it was not bearing fruit, but because it was making a show of life that promised fruit but delivered none.

The lesson of this story: Just like the fig tree, man must bear fruits.

7. King Eglon’s dishonorable death:

Scripture text:Judges 3:21-25

The story of Eglon king of Moab takes place during the time of the judges. Ehud was chosen by God to be Israel's "unlikely deliverer". Ehud is the only southpaw (left-handed) mentioned in the Bible. His disability actually becomes the centerpiece of the strategy to assassinate King Eglon. He was not merely taking a trip to deliver a check from the treasuries of the Israelites to King Eglon;he also devised a perfect assassination plan. Ehud told King Eglon, he had a "secret message from God".

The message Ehud revealed was one of plunging the double-edged sword into the belly of the king who "was a very fat man. At first he can’t get it in, but he pushes harder and eventually reaches his intestine. Even the handle sank in after the blade, and his bowels discharged. The King’s attendants eventually come back, but do not enter Eglon’s bed chamber, assuming he is relieving himself. After waiting “to the point of embarrassment”, his attendants burst in to find their king dead on the floor, covered in his own faecal matter. Meanwhile, Ehud had escaped to the town of Seriah.

The lesson of this story: Disabled people can accomplish great things.

6. Onan's weird birth control method

Scripture text: Genesis 38:8-10

This is a story wherein Judah asked his Onan, his child, to have intercourse with his dead sibling's wife so as to make a 'genuine heir' to Er (his dead brother). The story goes like this: Onan is somewhat apprehensive at first, but agrees to go through with his father's unusual plan. He starts to have intercourse with the woman, yet ultimately chooses to pull out and spill "his seed upon the ground." God is so irked he chooses to kill Onan as well. Why did God executed Onan? God's anger against Onan had everything to do with his failure to fulfill his covenantal obligation, and nothing to do with his method of birth control.

The lesson of this story: Every sperm is holy

5. All for love:

Scripture text: 1 Samuel 18:25-27

Young and in love, David desperately wants to marry Saul’s daughter Michal and offers Saul anything he needs to give him a chance to marry her. What could Saul, possibly want? Money? A pledge of affection? No. Saul wants foreskins. 100 to be exact. Why? Who cares. "If you want my daughter, you’re going to have to find 100 foreskins by tomorrow." David finds this odd, but then again this girl is hot, so he goes out and kills 200 men, and collects their foreskins. Saul was impressed and hands over his daughter to David.

The lesson of this story: Do anything for love.

4. Quick Circumcision

Scripture text: Exodus 4:24-26

This is another case that has to do with foreskin. Here, God is trying to kill Moses because his son isn’t circumcised. God is about to do it when his wife Zipporah takes out a flint and quickly cuts the foreskin of his son (ouch), throwing the bloody skin fragment at Moses’ feet. Gosh, this woman has guts to save his husband's life. God was impressed that He put hold His plan and spare Moses' life.

The lesson of this story: Always trust that your woman will always be on your side.

3. Homosexual rape or Gang rape?

Scripture text: Judges 19:22-30

This is one horrible and bizarre story of rape that one can wonder what the purpose is. Here is the story; A Levite and his concubine are wandering the streets when they decide to seek shelter for the night, and find a man kind enough to let them stay. That night, however, a group of perverted men turn up at the door and demand to see the guest. They wanted to sexually abuse (rape) him.

No wonder the old man urged the men not to do such a vile and wicked thing. Only the threat of homosexual rape could prompt the old man to offer his virgin daughter and the Levite’s concubine to be sexually abused and thus to satisfy their deviant sexual desires. The men brutally rape the concubine all night until morning and leave her on the doorstep where she bleeds to death.

What happens next is even more shocking. When the man found his concubine, he chops her up into twelve pieces which he sends to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.

The lesson of this story: None I can think of.

2. The talking Donkey: Believe it or Not

Scripture text: Numbers 22:28-30

Here, Balaam is spanking his ass (donkey) when suddenly he hears a voice. It’s his donkey who is asking him why he is spanking him. It is incredible that Balaam even replies to the donkey. If an animal spoke to one of us, would we respond? Perhaps he thought, "Well, I've talked to her enough. She was bound to answer me sometime." This is obviously a miracle—there is only one other place in the Bible (Genesis 3, the serpent to Eve) where an animal speaks—yet Balaam acts as if it happens to him every day! The donkey asks him questions, and he answers!

The lesson of this story: Be kind to animals or else they may open up a conversation.

1. Jacob altered genetics

Scripture text: Genesis 30:37-39

This is the most odd story in the Bible. Laban (Jacob's father-in-law) is basically cheating on him. He is taking all of Jacob’s beloved striped and spotted cattle. So Jacob designed a cunning plan: he gets some peeled poles, which were supposed to have some kind of prenatal influence on the flocks. He begins painting stripes on them and plants them next to his cattle. Jacob believed that by putting striped rods in front of where the animals mated that more striped and spotted animals would be born. What a genius plan and it actually works! God caused the animals to have altered genetics, although Jacob thought that it was due to his little trick of putting the striped rods in front of where the animals mated. As such, this is an example of a supernatural rather than a naturalistic event.

The lesson of this story: Your guess is as good as mine.